so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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