Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize