I take back everything I said about communal showers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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