i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wear drunk well.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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