I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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