last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
