is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
