I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
