The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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