In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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