I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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