Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
