Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize