toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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