Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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