my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
