this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's blow job season.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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