she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
