The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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