I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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