Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize