I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
