dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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