Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
