well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
