some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I supernannyed him into submission
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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