the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
