Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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