I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
