I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
