have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
