i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
