I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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