Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
