if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
