it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
