I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
