You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize