you guys were way drunker than both of me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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