This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize