So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
