dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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