Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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