There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize