the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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