Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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