if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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