I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
