Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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