I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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