and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
