According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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