is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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