I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
