I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize