vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
