He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
