So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
