you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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