is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
