At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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