I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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