I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
