What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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